The road less traveled

By M. Scott Peck

 

This is much that I agree with here, though I don't agree with all his conclusions.

 

Peck argues that discipline and love are necessary for spiritual growth... From Wikipedia;.;

 

Discipline
In The Road Less Traveled,^[6] Peck talked of the importance of discipline. He described four aspects of discipline:

• Delaying gratification: Sacrificing present comfort for future gains.
• Acceptance of responsibility: Accepting responsibility for one's own decisions.
• Dedication to truth: Honesty, both in word and deed.
• Balancing: Handling conflicting requirements. Scott Peck talks of an important skill to prioritize between different requirements -- bracketing.

 

 

Love for peck is extending yourself to allow others to grow.

 

A life of love and discipline foists much responsibility on us. We can't be passive with our love. When we know better, we are obligated to act. Yet, we must be humble when we know better. Do we really know better, or are we just medaling and manipulating without respect for someone else's path. This balance of the two possibilities requires constant discipline.

 

Peck views laziness as being the cause of all sin. Rather than doing the work needed for disciplined love, we take the easy way out.

 

I don't agree with his conclusions though, that we each must grow towards God, to being God. That miracles, grace and serendipity are proof that God is out there.

 

For me, love and discipline are the way, but not because of God. Love and discipline are the way, because unless we bring them to society, we will live in  world that is unloving and undisciplined.

I reread this book in Jan of 2015. My overall impression hasn't changed, but new things popped out at me.

In the past month Mark attempted suicide after our breakup. This has colored what I think about love. This book has a short section on suicide.... Peck says clearly that if you can't live without someone, then you are a parasite and what you feel is not love. This feels good for me, though I wonder if I would latch onto anything that resolves me of any guilt related to Mark's actions.

I read this they day after I read "Man's Search for Meaning." Both books argue that love, responsibility and freedom form a triad needed for growth and happiness,  Without responsibility, you have the kind of free love that has no consequences and is little more then pleasant feelings. Without freedom you have dependency and overbearing control. Without love you just have the endless doing of meaningless stuff.  Balancing all three is the endless challenge of personal growth. 

The way we see the world

Some would have us see the world with nonjudgmental awareness. I have a strong affinity for these philosophies. At the same time, we can't abandon the notion of right and wrong. We can't abandon our feelings. The death of a loved one is more than disadvantageous to me. It hurts. Sure, my feelings may not be important, but I do feel them.

 

How much of the world's truth depends on what we see? I wish I could find the source for this quote, but it's something like 'The problem with science is that it measures what it expects to find.' If the reality is so different, so removed from what an experimenter  tries measures, then the experiment will only observe faint echoes of the truth, if that.

 

In my world then, if the truth of the universe, if the meaning of life, is so far different from what I can observe, then what I learn is a faint echo of reality. The little bit that meshes with what I expect to find.

 

Yet, I can learn things that have great impact on me. I can learn to love someone, and be loved in return. I can learn to help. I can learn techniques to be happy.

 

If the truth of the universe is far from what I can perceive, then the truth must be gigantic and important, because it's echo's on me are loud and profound.

 

Either that, or the truth isn't so far from what I see.

 

To what extent is the universe the other way around? That because I perceive something, I make up  a truth to explain it.

 

Some truths are not that way. I can't walk through walls. The inability to walk through walls is not a learned behavior. (How do I prove that? It's common sense) What of the social and philosophic constructions? Friendship? Love? Happiness? Do they exist as commons sense? Are they the product of what I expect to see?

 

 

How then, do I want to live the rest of my life? Is that just another way to ask "what is the meaning of life?"

Are my career, and my recreation, and my fiends, and good food, and good drink enough?

We seem to be hurting trough space and time with a brain that likes to trick us into believing that we have far more power, and far more control than we actually do. Yet, we can't deny that we have some impact on the world. We must push our selves to take another step forward in what we believe is the right direction.

Is happiness best pursued alone? Are there forms of cooperation or competition that can make two happier than one. If so, what are they?

I'm on a quiet vacation for the first time in a long time, For a while, I can sit an think. Perhaps I've been reading one too many "happiness' books. Either way, I want to get my thoughts down, and to develop them.

I have nine more days of vacation and no commitments. This is enough time to read a little, meditate a little, write a little, work around the house, and exercise. I want to put this time to good use.

The procrastinators digest

By Timothy Pychyl

Just start... Do a draft, then fix it.

The Antidote-- happiness for people who can't stand positive thinking

By Oliver Burkeman


Burkeman is in favor of a more balanced view of happiness-- not the unbridled optimism that is so popular. Burkeman is more stoic, or Buddist.

Some points to remember

The nonjudgmental, and non attached nature of Stoicism and Buddhism can be very useful to happiness.  Bad things happen all the time, even in this world of plenty. We have to embrace them and accept them. They didn't happen because we failed, because we weren't optimistic enough.

Be careful setting goals. We don't know the full consequences of choosing a goal. Sometimes planning like a frog-- leaping from lily pad to lily pad, rather that planning way ahead to a goal is much more effective. In some extreme situations, people have given up there lives to achieve a goal, rather than accept failure.

Get over yourself. 99.9% of everything you think and do is only for yourself.

Safety is as much a feeling as it is reality. Stopping at nothing to be safe, is not safe. It results in security theater. It results in us spending our time and money on things that only make us feel safe.

Failure happens. We can learn much from failure.

We all die. We'd be better off realizing that every day, rather than hiding from it.

The Happiness Project

By Gretchen Rubin.

For one year, Rubin tried every trick, process, mental attitude and exercise that promised happiness. She was very methodical.

Some conclusions-- you become more happy by helping others being more happy, and by acting more happy yourself.

Some things I want to remember...

Spend your time out. Lost time is a lost resource. why not spend it all doing something of your own choosing? Why not spend it trying to make others happy? You may worry, that they will take advantage of you, and your generosity. That worry is not founded, especially if you surround yourself by people you love and trust

Rubin didn't meditate, but she did see the value in not being judgmental

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Making it all work.

I re-read Allen's "Making it All Work" I'm taking it a little more to heart this time. I'm still far from implementing the "Getting Things Done" process, but, I do now have a daily review process, that's more than a to-do list. Just as important, I've stuck to this process for over 3 weeks now.

As I grow older, it's become important to have a personal process to deal with the stuff of life that doesn't demand my immediate attention. There are so many things that I want to do, that I would do if I thought to do them. Just because I don't spontaneously want to work on them doesn't mean they should never be done.

I'm becoming less "Stop and smell the roses" and more "Take one step forward in the right direction"