Build the Life You Want

Aurthur C. Brooks and Oprah

Happy is not the same thing as good, or flourishing, or vibrant. Do you only want to be happy?

"Happiness is not a destination, it's a direction."

"The macronutrients of happiness are enjoyment, satisfaction and purpose."

"Enjoyment takes an urge for pleasure and adds two important things: communion and consciousness." 

"Satisfaction... is the thrill you get from accomplishing a goal."

"We can make do without enjoyment for a while, even without a lot of satisfaction. Without purpose however, we are utterly lost."

"The common strategy of trying to eliminate suffering from life to get happier is futile and mistaken. We must instead look for the why of life to make pain an opportunity for growth."

"Happiness is a combination of enjoyment, satisfaction and purpose. To get happier is to get more of these elements, in a balanced way-- not all of one and none of another. But if you were reading closely, you noticed one funny thing about all three: they all have some unhappiness."

"The secret to the best life is to accept your unhappiness (so you can learn and grow) and manage the feelings that result."

"Your emotions are signals to your conscious brain that something is going on that requires your attention and action-- that's all they are. Your conscious brain, if you choose to use it, gets to decide how you respond to them."

"Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms-- the choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."

12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos

 By Jordan B. Peterson. 

AI says...

Here are the 12 rules, along with a brief summary of each:

1. Stand up straight with your shoulders back
   This is about self-respect and confidence. Peterson argues that body language affects neurochemistry (like serotonin levels) and that taking responsibility for your life improves your mental state and how others perceive you.

2. Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping
   Many people are hard on themselves but compassionate toward others. Peterson suggests viewing yourself as someone you need to care for, encouraging self-care and self-respect rather than self-sabotage.

3. Make friends with people who want the best for you
   Surround yourself with supportive, honest friends who encourage your growth and hold you accountable, rather than those who enable bad behavior or drag you down.

4. Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today
   Focus on your own progress and improvement. Social comparison is often futile and demoralizing; personal growth is a marathon, not a race against others.

5. Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them
   This is about parenting with firmness and love. If you dislike your child’s behavior, correct it. Allowing bad behavior can lead to resentment and harm the child’s future character and relationships.

6. Set your house in perfect order before you criticize the world
   Fix your own life first. You can’t solve societal problems if your own life is chaotic. Take responsibility for your immediate sphere of influence before trying to change the broader world.

7. Pursue what is meaningful (not what is expedient)
   Short-term gratification (expediency) often leads to long-term regret. Meaningful actions may be difficult or unpleasant now but lead to a more fulfilled and stable life in the future.

8. Tell the truth – or, at least, don’t lie
   Honesty builds trust and reality-testing. Lying distorts your perception of reality and creates chaos. Even small lies can accumulate and undermine your integrity and relationships.

9. Assume that the person you are listening to might know something you don’t
   Approach conversations with humility and openness. Even if someone is wrong or annoying, there’s always something you can learn. This fosters respect and reduces conflict.

10. Be precise in your speech
    Vague thoughts and language lead to vague feelings and outcomes. Clarify your problems and goals by articulating them clearly. Precision helps you solve problems and act effectively.

11. Do not bother children when they are skateboarding
    This metaphorical rule emphasizes the importance of allowing young men (and people in general) to take calculated risks. Overprotectiveness can prevent the development of competence and confidence.

12. Pet a cat when you encounter one on the street
    Appreciate small moments of joy and beauty in life. Even in the face of suffering or chaos, find solace in simple, positive experiences. It’s a reminder to be present and grateful for small mercies.'

I first heard about Jordan Peterson during a meeting with a CEO. He mentioned he was reading 12 Rules for Life, so I added it to my list.

If you look up Peterson, you’ll find he is quite the character—unconventional, polarizing, and often combative. I won’t go into details here here, but I will use this as a launch point.
Three specific rules resonate with me:

• "Set your house in perfect order before you criticize the world."
• "Be precise in your speech."
• "Tell the truth—or at least, don’t lie."

These align closely with my own philosophy of empowerment through clarity, non-judgment, compassion, and connection. However, Peterson’s explanation of the first rule is much darker than I expected.

He argues that humans possess a natural capacity for chaos and destruction. If we ignore this "shadow" side of ourselves, we risk becoming arrogant. By acknowledging our own potential for harm and fixing our own faults first, we become more humble and less quick to judge the wider world.

I plan to reread and deep-dive into a few more chapters. Peterson’s approach is... not exactly rational. He describes it as trans-rational and mythological, informed by Jungian psychology and religious traditions, particularly Christianity.

Ultimately, his stance is pragmatic: "Act as if there is a God, even if there isn't one." I agree with this sentiment— because living as if there is meaning and higher purpose lead to a more resilient and compassionate life.

Fever Beach

By Carl Hiaasen.

Hiaasen's books are always full of Trashy bad guys pulling off trashy crimes while trashy investigators try to stop them in trashy ways. 

It's a fun read. Not high brow, though it's smart with its social commentary. 

Pillion and Box Hill.

Wikipedia says Pillion is a 2025, romance, comedy, dark drama film. We saw it a while back. It was OK. I thought I'd read the book (Box Hill) that it was based on.

The story in both is focused on an S&M romance between Colin and Ray. 

Both the movie and the book have the same emotional and narrative core though their structures are very different. Near the end of Pillion Ray abruptly vanishes with no explanation. Box Hill doesn’t have that mystery. About 3/4 of the way through the book Ray dies in motorcycle accident. This leads to a long section where Colin rebuilds his life.

The Domestic Revolution

By Ruth Goodman

Goodman is a historian and a reenact-or of history who has much experience on living with wood, peat and coal fuels. In this book she digs into how different fuels influenced architecture as well as how we live.

Coal smoke is more dirty than wood smoke. As such coal heating pushed the development of chimneys and iron stoves.

Toasting and toast became more popular with coal stoves as it’s difficult to evenly toast with a wood fire.

Soap and cleaning— wood ash can be purified into lye. Wood ash and fat can make soap. The same is not true for coal ash. When wood ash was the dominant fuel, people didn’t buy soap. They made their own or just used ashes; ash on greasy dishes makes its own soap. It wasn’t until coal became dominant that people needed to buy soap. 

The spy, who came in from the cold

By John Le Carre. 

More of a spy procedural than a spy action adventure novel. The story follows a spy who ages out of the British Secret Service, defects to East Germany and then becomes embroiled in machinations to kill (or protect?) the head of the East German spy service. There are twists, turns and a few murders.

A good read. 

Love Your Enemies

By Author C. Brooks.

A good book in the model of "one page of thesis, 200 pages of examples and explanation." The book almost says that in the conclusion...

1. Standup to the man. Refuse to be used by the powerful.

2. Escape the Bubble. Go where you are unexpected and say things people don't expect

3. Say no to contempt. Treat others with love and respect, even when it's difficult.

4. Disagree better. Be part of a healthy competition of ideas. Engage in earnest debate while not shutting anyone out. 

5. Tune Out. Disconnect more from unproductive debates.

These are hard things to accomplish. Brooks is *not* advocating that we cynically & passively disconnect. He advocates that you to actively love your enemies and become a better person.

List of philosophical bits....

Life is difficult.
Problems are inevitable.
Avoiding solving problems and the emotional suffering inherent with them is the primary basis of all human mental illness
Problems have solutions.
Great solutions offer progress. By solving problems we grow.

Great explanations are the heart of great solutions. Great solutions don't overgeneralize. Great solutions offer deep insight. 

Attention, Reflection Decision, Action. (Is this just the OODA loop?) these are the primary moral, creative, effective actions of life. 

A Richer Retirment

By William P Bengen.

Bengen originated the 4% rule for retirement portfolio draw-down. He revisits this strategy in this book. With the right portfolio he says the safe withdrawal rate not starts at 4.7%. 

I see the concerns people can have with the 4% rule. It's not a stretch to call the math behind it curve fitting. Honestly, that's probably as true of monte-carol simulations. Of course you can't really predict the future. You can only make sure that your facts and theories are aligned, and prepare for the day when that is not enough. 

Retiring now is... interesting? Inflation is high. The Shiller PE ratio is near an all time high. As I retire, we are starting off at a 3.5% drawdown rate. If things go wrong then we have buffer. If they don't then we can give ourselves a raise.

How To Be Perfect

By Michael Schur

This book is a pop-read through major branches of moral philosophy-- virtue ethics, deontology, utilitarianism, existentialism, contractulism. 

Schur doesn't come to any hard and fast conclusions on how to live. Of course he can't. How could he? But he does offer suggestions that it hopes we would think though.

Try to be a good person. 

There will always be situations where you don't know the right choice. Make a choice. Own it. Apologize if you are wrong, Don't be a jerk about it. 

More than anything, we are defined by our choices and our actions. Choose. Act. Learn. Don't get stuck.

"In the words of Samuel Beckett: Try again. Fail again. Fail better."

"The best thing about Aristotle's 'constant  trying, constant searching' is what results from it: a mature yet still pliable person, brimming with experiences both old an new, who doesn't;t rely solely on familiar routines or dated information about how the world works."

"(when you fight against progress) We're actively not trying to be better, and worse, we're seeing the not-trying as a virtue. This benefits no one."

"Where do you draw the line? As the comedian John Oliver likes to say: somewhere. We draw it in different places, but we need to draw it, each of us, for ourselves."

How to deal with someone with very different (wrong?) values? Think... "I love this person. This person is causing me anguish. We treat those thoughts with equal weight. And we hope the person in question will do the same."

The Mystery of the Yellow Room

By Gaston Leroux. Published in 1907.

I going farther back in my "Locked Room Mystery" reading. The Mystery of the Yellow Room is referred to as a classic by Poirot in "The Clocks" and in "The Hollow Man" as the best detective novel ever.

The mystery is good. I'm not sure it's an honest mystery though. There is a a lot of reveal even after the murder is announced. That's cheating. 

The problem with pure detective fiction is that the detective has to somehow always be in the right place, at the right time, to meet the right people, discover their secrets, put two and two together, and then get the guilty to spill the beans. In weaker mysteries, this can be very forced and mechanical. Sometimes the author writes like they are making shit up. I respect Christie here as she was fairly good at keeping her writing fresh, avoiding the problems, while still telling a mystery.

The Yellow Room-- did an OK job of avoiding the problems. I'll forgive it because it is so old.

The Idle Traveler: The Art of Slow Travel

By Dan Kieran. With forward by Tom Hodgkinson

I have a love/hate attitude towards Tom Hodgkinson's Idler oeuvre. This and some of the other Idler books come across as very unambitious, entitled laziness. That you have the time and money to travel for weeks and that no matter how bad the day was, you can always stop by a local pub for a beer. 

And...

Most of our suffering while traveling comes from resisting what's happening. The train is late. The weather is bad. The hotel is noisy. These aren't obstacles. This is travel. Your plans are imaginary. The trip you're on is real. Chao's isn't fun, but it forces your to confirm the illusions you have about control. 

Treat travel as a practice of attention, of letting go, of embracing what you encounter rather than bending it to your will.

Eat Your Ice Cream

 By Ezekiel J. Emanuel 

I have a strong feeling that this book is a paragraph of theses, and pages of examples. I'm copying down the thesis now. When I finish the book I'll circle back and see how wrong I was.

1. Avoid self-destructive risks.
2. Cultivate family, friends and other social relationships.
3. Stay mentally sharp
4. Consume healthy food and drink.
5. Exercise well and regularly
6. Get the rest you need.

Done the full book, now more more detail...

1. Avoid self-destructive risks. Avoid excessive risks of serious injury or brain damage. Maybe give up your motorcycle. 
2. Cultivate family, friends and other social relationships. Engage and talk to people as you travel, shop and go about mundane activities. Be social.
3. Stay mentally sharp. Aging is a fact of live. You are not going to stay sharp forever. Plan for that (Will, advance care directives) Don't be a couch potato or hermit. Learn. Volunteer. Ask yourself: what can I do that would be useful and helpful to the lives of others?
4. Consume healthy food and drink. Limit eating sugars and ultra processed foods. Eat fermented foods. Ensure you get enough protein. Try fasting every now and then. Eat with people. Drink alcohol lightly or not at all. Eat high quality carb's-- fiber, whole grains, fruits and vegetables. Liquid plant oils are generally good for you. 
5. Exercise well and regularly-- 75 to 150 minutes of vigorous exercise a week. 10 to 15 minutes a day.
6. Get the rest you need. Figure out your sleep problems and get your 7-9 hours

Forever Strong

By Gabrielle Lyon

Exercise, eat right, always.

This Is How You Loose the Time War

Amal El-Mohtar, Max Gladstone

This is how you write great sci-fi. 

The Three Coffins

 Aka "The Hollow Man"

By John Dickson Carr

I heard of this book in "Knives Out 3: Wake Up Dead Man." In that movie, the detective mentions that this book contains a lecture on all the ways a locked room murder can happen. Of course, I had to read it.

The book was fun to read. I think I will start reading more "fair detective stories" going forward.

The book contains two Impossible murders. The first murder happens in a locked room. The murderer just vanishes. Similarly, the second murder takes place on a dead-end street where the murderer also just vanishes, leaving no footprints in the snow, or witnesses to the dirty deed.

All becomes much more explainable when you reverse the order of the murders. 

Vigil

 by George Saunders

I felt a new and powerful truth being beamed directly into me, by a vast, beneficent God, in the form of this unyielding directive:

Comfort

Comfort, for all else is futility

This is a story of a spirt sent to guide a man, a remorseless oil Barron, into the afterlife. 

I read Saunders because his essay "Though Experiment" sent me down a path of exploring radical but active non-judgment. From this I've read Simone Wells, Camus, Murdoch, Foucault and others. 

Saunders would call this elevation. AI says elevation is a movement towards moral, emotional and spiritual clarity-- rising above habitual pettiness, fear or self centeredness. 

Vigil explores this idea though fiction. How does one deal with the challenge and problems of being elevated? Especially with someone who has lied to and hurt many others. You can't be passive here. And, you can't let those with (perhaps rightful) judgements run you over.

Elevation assumes that who we are is hard to change. Many of our choices are driven by our background and opportunities. Our ability to change ourselves is very limited and our ability to change our ability to change ourselves is even more limited. You didn't choose to come into this earth. You are inevitable. 

All we can do is accept people for who they are. Comfort them. Build relationships with them. Everything else is futility. 

Part of me worries that, taken to an extreme, this approach looks passive. I have a cousin who is a police officer. I would love to see how she responds-- there are people in this world who are violent and dangerous. We need to take action to protect ourselves. 

Having said that, the more I explore elevation, the more I realize the truth in it, that there is very little we can do to change people. In adversity, we can stand our ground, look at the facts of the situation, and decide our actions on that. 

Perhaps a hurricane is good metaphor. Of course I have to take action to mitigate the destruction of a hurricane. But, becoming angry or being afraid of a hurricane... that is waisted time and energy. Instead I must respect the hurricane and deal with it as it is. 

Loving what is

by Byron Katie

Some books are a paragraph of idea plus hundreds of pages of exploration, application and examples. This is one of those. In this case the exploration is all warranted as Katie wants to help us suffer more successfully.

Suffering is caused by believing stressful thoughts, not by external events. The Work helps you see that "what is actually true" is what you want when your mind is clear. 

When suffering be, ask yourself

•  Is it true?
• Can you absolutely know that it's true?
• How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
• Who would you be without the thought? 

Is Earth Exceptional? The Quest for Cosmic Life

by Jack Szostak and Mario Livio.

Is there life elsewhere than planet earth? That question is still open. This book is very dense with facts, explorations and lines of inquiry that cover the efforts to answer this question.

Death on the Nile

By Agatha Christie

Another well written mystery by Christie. Even though I saw the movie a few years ago, I still enjoyed reading the book just to see how well the pieces were woven together. 

There is a small plot hole in that the first murder had to be planned out before hand, yet executed with perfect luck and timing otherwise the murderer would have easily been exposed. You don't realize that unless reflect back on the book after you've finished reading. So, I'll forgiver Christie.

Eichmann In Jerusalem: A Report on the Banality of Evil

By Hanna Arendt

Eichmann was a German-Austrian official in the Nazi Party and an officer in the SS. He wasn't a particularly bright individual. He followed the law. He followed his orders. He wasn't particularly antisemitic, yet somehow he oversaw the death of millions of Jews. 

There is a great amount of detail in the book. What struck me is how the Nazi's twisted their law and their language so that the majority of officials and officers didn't need to actually need to admit what they were doing. The officers were each doing their small part, following their lawful orders, to help accelerate the final solution for the Jewish problem. One helps improve the process needed to strip Jews of their citizenship. One helps build interment camps. One helps organize transport of undesirable people. And one helps build gas chambers so that there is an opportunity for a peaceful death, rather than starvation, slavery or defeat by the enemy. 

So much pretty language. 

In "The Plague" a character says "I'd come to realize that all our troubles spring from the failure to use plain clear-cut language. So I resolved always to speak-- and to act-- quite clearly, as this was the only way of setting myself on the right track."

Amp It Up

By Frank Slootman

This book is a contrast with "Slow Productivity." Though Slootman is an executive and Newport is self driven.

I discussed with a coworker. She wonder what Slootman would have changed if the book was written after years of malaise, and not during a tech bubble. Of course you should work and fast when the wind is at your back. 

None the less, the book is a good reminder....

1. Raise you Standards

2. Align Your People and Culture.

3. Sharpen Your Focus

4. Pick Up The Pace

5. Transform Your Strategy

Now that I reread the above, except for #4, Slow productivity is well aligned with the above five points.

Raise Your Standards = Obsess over Quality

Align Your People and Culture + Sharpen Your Focus + Transform Your Strategy = Do Less

A whole essay could be written about the difference between “Pick up your pace” and “Work at a natural pace”

Laziness Does Not Exist

By Devon Price PhD. 

Part of me wants to love this book, especially the message. The narrative was too stuffed or choppy for me to deeply embrace it. The focus is too much on those who skimp on sleep, work 18 hour days and neglect their health. 

Things to take away...

Laziness Is Not Evil

If someone is acting lazy, then are they really...

• Not taking proper care of themselves?
• Depressed?
• Procrastinating?
• Apathetic?

Is your laziness a sign that you are depressed, procrastinating or apathetic? What is behind that?

Pick your battles.  Life is Messy. You can't do everything. Take care of yourself. Seek inspiration, not shame. You can't save the world. 

The author says the solution to all of this is boundless compassion. If we really want to dismantle the Laziness Lie and set our selves free, then we have to question every judgment of laziness.

 

Slow Productivity

By Cal Newport

Do less.

Work at a natural pace

Obsess over quality.

Newport covers the way genius grow there ideas.

Now, do I want to grow my ideas? Different question. 

Alison Roman

Nothing Fancy and Something From Nothing.

So, these cook books are fancy, and the recipes are not from nothing. Either that or Roman’s pantry is much more exotic than mine.

The recipes are wonderful. The techniques are never complicated, which is nice.

I want to keep them as a reference. 

Five Little Piggies

By Agatha Christie

As alway's, Christie's writing is high quality.

I appreciate her drive to vary the form of her mysteries, clues and characters without lowering quality or bringing in bizarre twists. After one writes dozens murder mysteries, it would be easy to stop caring. 

Feal Free

 by Zadie Smith

Amongst other things, Zadie takes pop culture and applies philosophy to it. 

"To be truly free, we had to rid ourselves of all bitterness and resentment too. How was this possible when bitterness and resentment are generated afresh every day?" -- This is open and unanswered.

"In Britain we are always doing this-- mistaking an esthetic choice for an ethical one"

"People can be too precious about their heritage, about their tradition-- writers especially. Preservation and protection have their place but they shouldn't block freedom or theft." Smith and cultural appropriation, not the theft of objects.

"There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist though any other medium." --Martha Graham on the drive to create.

"Compassion helps. You may not sleep the deep unruffled sleep of Hero Boy, but in Kaufman's (And Schopenhauer's) that's about as good as it gets. 

"Like so many of us, he remains stuck between those twin poles of want and boredom."  

"One way of dealing with the border of our own needs is to complicate them unnecessarily, so as to always have something new to desire."

World of Wonders

By Robertson Davis

A worthy conclusion to Davis’s Deptford series.

There is a theme in this book about how different people can have different perspectives on the same thing. To one person, a rock is a reminder of how small things may have big consequences. To another that rock is evidence of a grudge harbored over decades. These perspectives color, our choices and actions where the actual facts may suggest the situation is somewhere between the two. 

Davis uses these dueling perspectives to explore various topics, including Canada. Is it the backwaters of a dying empire? A blank canvas, full of new possibilities?