Build the Life You Want

Aurthur C. Brooks and Oprah

Happy is not the same thing as good, or flourishing, or vibrant. Do you only want to be happy?

"Happiness is not a destination, it's a direction."

"The macronutrients of happiness are enjoyment, satisfaction and purpose."

"Enjoyment takes an urge for pleasure and adds two important things: communion and consciousness." 

"Satisfaction... is the thrill you get from accomplishing a goal."

"We can make do without enjoyment for a while, even without a lot of satisfaction. Without purpose however, we are utterly lost."

"The common strategy of trying to eliminate suffering from life to get happier is futile and mistaken. We must instead look for the why of life to make pain an opportunity for growth."

"Happiness is a combination of enjoyment, satisfaction and purpose. To get happier is to get more of these elements, in a balanced way-- not all of one and none of another. But if you were reading closely, you noticed one funny thing about all three: they all have some unhappiness."

"The secret to the best life is to accept your unhappiness (so you can learn and grow) and manage the feelings that result."

"Your emotions are signals to your conscious brain that something is going on that requires your attention and action-- that's all they are. Your conscious brain, if you choose to use it, gets to decide how you respond to them."

"Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms-- the choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."

12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos

 By Jordan B. Peterson. 

AI says...

Here are the 12 rules, along with a brief summary of each:

1. Stand up straight with your shoulders back
   This is about self-respect and confidence. Peterson argues that body language affects neurochemistry (like serotonin levels) and that taking responsibility for your life improves your mental state and how others perceive you.

2. Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping
   Many people are hard on themselves but compassionate toward others. Peterson suggests viewing yourself as someone you need to care for, encouraging self-care and self-respect rather than self-sabotage.

3. Make friends with people who want the best for you
   Surround yourself with supportive, honest friends who encourage your growth and hold you accountable, rather than those who enable bad behavior or drag you down.

4. Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today
   Focus on your own progress and improvement. Social comparison is often futile and demoralizing; personal growth is a marathon, not a race against others.

5. Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them
   This is about parenting with firmness and love. If you dislike your child’s behavior, correct it. Allowing bad behavior can lead to resentment and harm the child’s future character and relationships.

6. Set your house in perfect order before you criticize the world
   Fix your own life first. You can’t solve societal problems if your own life is chaotic. Take responsibility for your immediate sphere of influence before trying to change the broader world.

7. Pursue what is meaningful (not what is expedient)
   Short-term gratification (expediency) often leads to long-term regret. Meaningful actions may be difficult or unpleasant now but lead to a more fulfilled and stable life in the future.

8. Tell the truth – or, at least, don’t lie
   Honesty builds trust and reality-testing. Lying distorts your perception of reality and creates chaos. Even small lies can accumulate and undermine your integrity and relationships.

9. Assume that the person you are listening to might know something you don’t
   Approach conversations with humility and openness. Even if someone is wrong or annoying, there’s always something you can learn. This fosters respect and reduces conflict.

10. Be precise in your speech
    Vague thoughts and language lead to vague feelings and outcomes. Clarify your problems and goals by articulating them clearly. Precision helps you solve problems and act effectively.

11. Do not bother children when they are skateboarding
    This metaphorical rule emphasizes the importance of allowing young men (and people in general) to take calculated risks. Overprotectiveness can prevent the development of competence and confidence.

12. Pet a cat when you encounter one on the street
    Appreciate small moments of joy and beauty in life. Even in the face of suffering or chaos, find solace in simple, positive experiences. It’s a reminder to be present and grateful for small mercies.'

I first heard about Jordan Peterson during a meeting with a CEO. He mentioned he was reading 12 Rules for Life, so I added it to my list.

If you look up Peterson, you’ll find he is quite the character—unconventional, polarizing, and often combative. I won’t go into details here here, but I will use this as a launch point.
Three specific rules resonate with me:

• "Set your house in perfect order before you criticize the world."
• "Be precise in your speech."
• "Tell the truth—or at least, don’t lie."

These align closely with my own philosophy of empowerment through clarity, non-judgment, compassion, and connection. However, Peterson’s explanation of the first rule is much darker than I expected.

He argues that humans possess a natural capacity for chaos and destruction. If we ignore this "shadow" side of ourselves, we risk becoming arrogant. By acknowledging our own potential for harm and fixing our own faults first, we become more humble and less quick to judge the wider world.

I plan to reread and deep-dive into a few more chapters. Peterson’s approach is... not exactly rational. He describes it as trans-rational and mythological, informed by Jungian psychology and religious traditions, particularly Christianity.

Ultimately, his stance is pragmatic: "Act as if there is a God, even if there isn't one." I agree with this sentiment— because living as if there is meaning and higher purpose lead to a more resilient and compassionate life.

Fever Beach

By Carl Hiaasen.

Hiaasen's books are always full of Trashy bad guys pulling off trashy crimes while trashy investigators try to stop them in trashy ways. 

It's a fun read. Not high brow, though it's smart with its social commentary. 

Pillion and Box Hill.

Wikipedia says Pillion is a 2025, romance, comedy, dark drama film. We saw it a while back. It was OK. I thought I'd read the book (Box Hill) that it was based on.

The story in both is focused on an S&M romance between Colin and Ray. 

Both the movie and the book have the same emotional and narrative core though their structures are very different. Near the end of Pillion Ray abruptly vanishes with no explanation. Box Hill doesn’t have that mystery. About 3/4 of the way through the book Ray dies in motorcycle accident. This leads to a long section where Colin rebuilds his life.

The Domestic Revolution

By Ruth Goodman

Goodman is a historian and a reenact-or of history who has much experience on living with wood, peat and coal fuels. In this book she digs into how different fuels influenced architecture as well as how we live.

Coal smoke is more dirty than wood smoke. As such coal heating pushed the development of chimneys and iron stoves.

Toasting and toast became more popular with coal stoves as it’s difficult to evenly toast with a wood fire.

Soap and cleaning— wood ash can be purified into lye. Wood ash and fat can make soap. The same is not true for coal ash. When wood ash was the dominant fuel, people didn’t buy soap. They made their own or just used ashes; ash on greasy dishes makes its own soap. It wasn’t until coal became dominant that people needed to buy soap. 

The spy, who came in from the cold

By John Le Carre. 

More of a spy procedural than a spy action adventure novel. The story follows a spy who ages out of the British Secret Service, defects to East Germany and then becomes embroiled in machinations to kill (or protect?) the head of the East German spy service. There are twists, turns and a few murders.

A good read. 

Love Your Enemies

By Author C. Brooks.

A good book in the model of "one page of thesis, 200 pages of examples and explanation." The book almost says that in the conclusion...

1. Standup to the man. Refuse to be used by the powerful.

2. Escape the Bubble. Go where you are unexpected and say things people don't expect

3. Say no to contempt. Treat others with love and respect, even when it's difficult.

4. Disagree better. Be part of a healthy competition of ideas. Engage in earnest debate while not shutting anyone out. 

5. Tune Out. Disconnect more from unproductive debates.

These are hard things to accomplish. Brooks is *not* advocating that we cynically & passively disconnect. He advocates that you to actively love your enemies and become a better person.